I’m going to be honest here. Sometimes writing sucks. Having dozens (or hundreds) of characters who live in your head and want attention. Trying to balance aspiring to publication with having a day job that pays bills and provides insurance. Working out time to write when you have a job or family or commitments. And not to mention querying, entering contests, researching agents, revising, studying the market, and obsessing over how you never feel like your writing is good enough.
I’ve been in the query trenches with my first manuscript off and on for almost a year, and it’s HARD. Really, really, frustrating and hard. I love my manuscript, the characters, and everything about the story. I’m sure there are things I could fix, and I plan to do a whole new round of revisions once I’m finished with my current WIP, but I feel like I’m failing with every day that I don’t have an agent or a book contract.
At the moment, I think I’m about 50 pages from finishing my second manuscript. It’s strong and fairly kick ass (if I do say so myself), and I’m chomping at the bit to write the query and see if I get more response from agents. It’s not that I think it’s an inherently better book than my first MS, but I think it hits a lot of areas that seem marketable right now. But I have to wait until I finish the story and have my betas and CPs go over it, and then I’ll have to wait for agents to respond. And wait … and wait … and wait.
Publishing is hard. Even when you’re not really in the door yet. Writing is extra hard because I want to spend time with all the characters in my head right now. I want to hang out with my old characters and give their MS more polish. I need to hang out with my current WIP and finish it before my writing friends throw tomatoes at me for taking so long. And I’m anxious to hang out with characters I’m only just considering for my next project. Why isn’t there enough time to do it all?
Writing is the only job I’ve ever really loved. Putting my words and thoughts onto a page opens brand new doors. I love it when people come up to me and tell me that they enjoyed a story or article that I wrote. It’s an amazing sense of pride when I realize that I created something that resonated with another person.
I love this job, and I even love the writing/creative/connecting part of my day job. I hate the waiting and never feeling like I do enough. I wish there was a way to figure out how to better organize my day so I could do all the things I need to do and still feel like I’m making progress. Most days I feel like I’m simply spinning my wheels and never moving forward.
Balancing and juggling everything sucks. I just want to see myself moving forward as a writer instead of perpetually wading through quicksand. A step forward – any step – would be a welcome relief at this point.