Currently … May 11

Loving …

I wrote my favorite line from “Ode on a Grecian Urn” + the word “BREATHE” on my arm today. It was meditative. It gives me peace to see it there. I’ve been stressed out. Holding my breath – literally. I don’t know why, but seeing the words on my arm feels like permission to breathe deeply.

Writing on arm

 

Reading …

Raven King

I’m still reading THE RAVEN KING. I’m not the fastest reader, especially when I’m stressed, but I’m more than halfway finished. I haven’t decided how I feel about it yet. I love the writing. I laugh out loud almost every time I sit down to read, but I’m not ready to give up Blue and her Raven Boys.

Books

The Baby Bookworm has been requesting lots of reading material before bedtime lately. We go through a stack like this almost nightly.

Watching …

Not amused

Does this count? I’ve been hanging out with my favorite little man A LOT. This is his “I want to play by myself (with you, Mama)” face. He was tired of being social too.

We watch a lot of “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” and “Odd Squad.” Rather, he likes them playing in the background while he does other things.

Listening to …

Today, I’m trying NOT to listen to people in my office. I have my music on shuffle. Current song is “Lightning Crashes” by Live. It makes me feel like I’m 15 and watching MTV with my friends – lots of nostalgia and mixed feelings, but it’s one of those songs that ALWAYS pulls up memories when I hear it.

Thinking about …

Recently, someone said that I try to avoid responsibility. I’ve been contemplating this. I don’t want to be “IN CHARGE.” I am not CEO, sorority president, commander-in-chief material, but that doesn’t mean I avoid responsibility at all costs.

I’m responsible in my job. I’m responsible for my family. I’m responsible for attempting to see my dreams of being a writer play out. I’ll admit that anxiety and depression have caused me to avoid a lot of interaction with people. I withdrew from the Arts Commission. I don’t participate in the alumnae associations of my college or sorority. At times, I’ve had some issues staying on top of all the responsibilities I do have (ie. I forget to make a call or pay a bill here and there). I get extremely anxious about talking to people in certain situations. I don’t know how to help in other situations, so I sit back quietly and wait.

But that doesn’t mean I’m avoiding responsibility. I resent that remark. It upset me, and I can’t get it out of my head.

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